Primal scream therapy.....

I think I could have used some yesterday. I really wonder if it works. My guess is probably not because even after you managed to shatter the eardrums of those in close proximity whatever it is that caused you to want to scream in the first place will still be there.

I'm conflicted. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I know there must be tons of people out there who share how I feel. You bust your butt to do a good job everyday. You do your best because it's who you are. You try not to let all the other stuff around you get you down. And then one day it all comes crashing down. All that suppressed anger and frustration finally manages to reach the surface and all you want to do is hit something...really, REALLY hard. Either that or you want to tell the person who is responsible for letting the demon loose to just shove it or kiss your ass. But you can't. Because that would be burning bridges...bridges that are necessary right now. And so you try to find a way to get back to your happy place. My happy place just happens to be closed for renovations right now. So what am I to do?

I'm trying really hard not to make any snap decisions but all I want to do is say F*CK IT! Is it worth it to be this unhappy?

I have today off. I'm going for a massage. I think I'll exercise the option to take the rest of the week off to try to find some perspective.

Maybe I'll even try some primal scream therapy.

Nonsense and whatnot....

Hello world....(or at least those of you who happen to be reading this!),

I wish I had tons of interesting stuff to tell you but, alas, my life has been quite boring as of late. The good news is that I wound up doing quite well on that last test that I was stressing about. Now...the question will be whether I can repeat that on the next one.  The next one promises to be a ball-buster and I'm being realistic about what the possible outcome might be.

In the meantime I've been preparing for an upcoming certification exam.  Seems like all I ever do these days is take tests :(  I can't wait for this part of the year to be over with. 

Today I took a break from the books and decided to break into the stash of PMC3 that I had lurking around.  I finally got all the knick-knacks "needed" to work with the stuff and I decided that there's no time like the present.  So...in the end I churned out a ton of bead caps that I hope to use for my beads.  I also made about a dozen large hole spacer beads that look quite neat on my Pandora bracelet.  I'll try to post a pic as soon as I get one taken.  I have to say that I'm quite addicted and am already searching for affordable sources for more PMC3.

Other than that I haven't lit up the torch for a while.  I got a bunch of stuff done earlier that I listed on Etsy.  A couple of the bigger beads I finished I was hoping to core with silver - hence the decision to play with silver clay.  I'm also waiting on some additional supplies to come in so that I have the right size of tubing for the coring.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow because I'm treating myself to a 2-hour massage!!!  It's going to be the best day :)  I hope you had a good one and I'll catch up with you again soon.

Slightly overwhelmed...

I have this tendency - not necessarily to rush into things but more to sometimes bite off more than I can chew. In the last few weeks I've been thinking maybe I'm attempting to do something that might be more than I can handle.

So...let's step back. About mid-December I decided that I was actively going start the process of possibly going to anesthesia school. That started me down this path of craziness that's going to last about 6 months. I registered to take an advanced physiology course, registered and scheduled to write the CCRN (certification for critical care nuses) and GRE (graduate records exam), and have to get all of my application stuff done before July 1st (really am shooting for June 1st). The course and the certification I am doing to boost my chances of getting into school. The GRE I don't have a choice on for grad school. Oh...did I mention I'm also working full-time?

So....I know it's doable. I just have to focus on meeting each target and not over-thinking the whole thing and becoming overwhelmed.

Yeah.

Easier said than done. Will I have a life between now and then?

The will to live....

You may or may not know that in my real job I work as a nurse in a critical care unit. I used to work in the emergency department but after a while found that I needed a bit of a change and so I made a move that seemed to be the natural progression for me. In the ED I would work to stabilize patients and get them moved out to which ever unit could then continue to provide them the care they required. It made sense to go from that to "The Unit" where I would learn (and am continuing to learn) how to provide continued care to patients who suffer from a whole host of medical problems.

I could go on and on about all the things I'm learning but I just wanted to take a moment to say that the one thing that has struck me the most is just how resilient people are and how strong the will to live is in certain folks. It never ceases to amaze me that human beings can bounce back (albeit slowly) from the most debilitating circumstances. Just when you think maybe it's time to prepare for the worst something happens and before you know it the patient you didn't think would ever wake up again is slowly opening their eyes. They're following commands. They get extubated. They're getting transferred out of the unit and are going to a floor bed.

I like to sometimes think that we, as care providers, did something that made a difference. That we somehow helped this person in their deepest, darkest hour of need to make the decision to fight, to stay alive. Maybe it was simply by talking to them while in their room. Making them more comfortable by propping and padding with pillows. Washing their faces. Combing their hair. Touching their hands and assuring them that someone is always there watching over them. Oh I know there's more to it like administering meds yadda, yadda, yadda. But I think it's the human touch that can make the difference between staying or going. Does that make any sense?

I am humbled by each and every person for whom I have had the honor to care for. I have learned something from each of them. They have all had a strength I can only hope to have should I ever find myself in similar circumstances.

Quick catch up...

Well, if I'm not wrong it's been about a month since I last had anything to say. That's pretty sad I think. It's not that I don't have anything to say but just that once I get started it might not be so easy to stop me.

There's always the same-old, same-old going on at work. We're understaffed and seeing twice as many patients as the hospital has capacity for. It's been pretty crazy as of late - most days we're just holding people until they can get a bed and, of course, if they aren't leaving the ER we're not able to get new people in. You can bet your booty that our customer service scores are going to be in the dump this reporting period. Sigh.

With all of the time I'm spending at work I'm falling further and further behind on the creative stuff. The studio is 75% up and running. I can use it fully but it still needs the final finishing touches. My sincerest apologies to all of you who are waiting on goodies from me. I promise I haven't forgotten about you and that they will be coming.

Then there's the spectre of stats that constantly looms over me. The constant running to keep up with assignments and tests is wearing. Luckily I think we're about 1/2 way through. Just gotta stick it out another 2 months and then I'll be done. I can't wait for that day!

So, not much that's exciting from me. Just wanted to stop by to say "HI" and hope that you're all having more fun than I am (not that it would be all that difficult!!). Check back for more on my upcoming trip in September. I'm taking a month off and not even going to feel guilty about it. I'll try to share my planning and thoughts about the trip as much as I can :)

x0x0

Just count to 10.....

before I go off like I did yesterday. Can you tell I have issues with certain things? But in all seriousness I guess that's why I try my best not to blog about work. Because it just becomes one big b*tch fest and I really don't need to go there.

OK....so one of my resolutions for this upcoming year is to leave work at work :) Yeah....let's see how long that lasts. What are your resolutions for this upcoming year?

My list:

1. Take more time off
2. Take a kick-ass glass class
3. Finish my indoor studio
4. Finish the stairs in my house (well, this is more for DH than myself!)
5. Do more spur of the moment fun stuff
6. Learn how to use boro
7. Eat less fried chicken...yeah...that's right. And you KNOW how hard that is living in the South!
8. Get outdoors more
9. Take a multi-vit each day

OK.....I think that's enough...gotta hit the sack so I can get up early for work tomorrow. Hope you have a good one watching the ball drop or doing whatever it is wherever you are!

Why I turn my ringer off....

Because I seriously do not want to get a phone call at 5:25am on a Sunday - one of the few days I just happen to have off this week - asking me if I want to work.

Trust me.

I work my regularly scheduled days. Heck....I even work extras because we're so bloody short staffed right now. When I'm working 4, sometimes 5 12-hour days out of a 7 day period I don't think it takes a brain surgeon to figure out that the likelihood of me 1. answering the phone when I know it's work calling or 2. saying yes if I should make the mistake of answering the phone is absolutely nil.

Why not try calling the person who likes to make calling out of their regularly scheduled shift just about predictable? I mean, heck....they have no problem screwing the rest of us who do show up for work. To them a schedule is nothing but a piece of paper with gobbledy-gook written on it. Nevermind that the rest of us are counting on you to show up because you actually, at one point, signed yourself up to work that day.

Sigh. I could go on and on but what's the point? Obviously there are those who live up to their obligations and those who do not. It just sucks when those who do not are allowed to with no ramifications while those who do suffer the inevitable fallout.

Ask me again why I decided to get back into the workforce????

Monthly Thursday Social

Just a quick shout out to the gals who launched the first of hopefully many monthly Thursday lunches :) We all need some time to decompress from our jobs and it's just fun to see people in real clothes once in a while instead of the scrubs we live in.

I was pleasantly surprised at how many we had show up for this last minute lunch and even more suprised that we managed to get RNs, NAs and PAs all together at the same time! Next month I'm hoping for twice as many folks! This is going to become an institution I tell ya.

Thanks for coming out y'all. I had a really swell time.