Yeah...so I haven't had much to say lately...no...that's not entirely true. I always have something to say and many times it's probably not what you're going to want to hear. This is especially true for the ER patient who really doesn't need to be in the ER.
My problem, I've come to realize, is that I'm a straight talker. I don't mess around. Don't beat around the bush. I just tell it like it is. I have a sarcastic sense of humor that I've discovered doesn't go over really well in the ER.
For example. Dude walks into the ER and says he's been bitten by a snake. Don't know what he told the triage RN but from what I can gather apparently he's some big naturalist...knows all about snakes and whatnot....but can't tell me what kind of snake bit him. Spent 1/2 hour chasing said snake before he decided he was feeling woozy and should mosey over to the ER. I walk into the room expecting the worst, ready for some huge swollen, red, painful, necrotic something or other. Nope. Can't even see the freakin' puncture wounds. No swelling. No pain. No nothing.
Dude says..."so if it was a poisonous snake I should be feeling something already, right?" Here's where I got in trouble....(inject sarcastic wit). "Sir, I don't know much about snakes but I imagine that if it were a truly venomous snake you'd probably be dead by now".
Yeah....didn't go over too well. Apparently you should all pity me because I don't have any feeling left in me to offer some sympathy to my patients. Actually, I do. I offer sympathy to those who truly deserve it. Not someone who comes to the ER and makes a huge fuss, spends 1/2 hour on the public phone retelling the story (which, by the way, became one where the snake had fangs 1/2" long and caused him to gush blood all over!) to anyone who cares to pick up his call, who then REFUSES all treatment and signs himself out AMA.
Yes. You may call me jaded. For good reason you think? Just another day in the ER.
5 days ago